Chapter 202
CAMILLA’S PO.V
Ryker never came to the room at night. I spent the entire time fiddling with my fingers and anxiously waiting for the moment he would come. I had no idea what to expect from sharing a room with him but he never came. I should have been excited about it but for some reason, I couldn’t find it in myself to fall asleep. I just sat cross legged on the bed the entire night while I waited.
He didn’t return until sometime around four a.m. and he looked even worse than I felt. His eyes were tired and I could tell that he hadn’t gotten any sleep either. He was trying to sneak into the room but when he saw me awake, I saw shock take over his features. I gave him a small smile trying to hide the fact that I hadn’t slept a wink but he noticed- I knew he did. It was in the way his eyes narrowed at me and the way he crossed his hands over his chest.
“Rough night?” he asked and I shrugged. Words wouldn’t have been able to describe it. “I thought you would feel more comfortable on your own. After last night, I figured you would want some space from me so I slept in my office.”
I hadn’t asked but for some reason, I was grateful he gave it to me. My mind had conjured up the worst case scenarios and even though it wasn’t something I should have been worried about, I had been wondering if he was seeing someone. My wolf was convinced he could never, I wasn’t sure how she knew that but I decided to trust her on it.
“I couldn’t fall asleep. Everything just feels so different yet so familiar and it is a very overwhelming feeling,” I laughed humorlessly. “Do I have to do the speech to the town today?”
“You don’t have to do anything. That is the beauty of being Queen, you could call it off right now and no one will fault you for it. What you went through was-”
“I want to do it,” I cut him off running my hands through my hair. “It just- will you be there?”
“I have to,” I tried to hide the relief on my face. I needed someone who knew what they were doing next to me so that I didn’t mess up. “I’m always going to be there, Camilla.” My cheeks heated and I forced myself to look away. He sighed softly before standing to his feet. “I’ll go check on everything for the speech. I can send Christine up to help you get ready.”
“Can you also send Marie or Peggy?”
He pursed his lips at my request and I knew he didn’t like it but he nodded. I was barely able to whisper a thank you before he walked out. I wasn’t sure what I was doing but I hoped I wasn’t making things worse.
Marie arrived first and to say she was in awe of everything would have been an understatement. She spoke about the food and the large buildings and in all honesty, she was making my anxiety worse. I understood her excitement, I would have been as excited as she was if I didn’t feel like the weight of the world was on my shoulders. I had asked for her in the hopes that she would understand what I needed and she would be able to offer me silent support but she was in too much awe and she couldn’t see past that.
“Can you stop?” Christine spat with a frown. Marie froze, her cheeks turning pink as embarrassment filled her. “You are making even me antsy. Have you ever tried shutting up for five seconds?”
She was being rude, that much was certain but in that moment, I was relieved. There was peace and quiet for the first time since Marie walked into the room and it felt like I could finally hear myself think. Marie turned to me with wide eyes as if asking if I was going to let that slide. All I did was shrug in response and she scoffed.
“I was talking to Camilla,” Marie mumbled. “She doesn’t seem to mind at all. She understands. Just because you grew up in a palace all your life doesn’t mean-”
Christine turned to her with a harsh look. “For once will you just shut up, please?” I cannot think over the sound of your yapping. Camilla has an important speech to give today and you haven’t once asked how she feels about that. All you have done is to sit there and yap about the big buildings and the servants waiting on you hand and foot. If you even cared about your friend, you would be trying to case her anxiety but what do I know, I just grew up in a palace?”
She put the brush down that she was using on my hair. She gave me a small smile that I couldn’t help but return. I was grateful for her outburst whether I wanted to say it or not..
“Ryker will be here to call you when it is time,” she told me before walking out of the room.
The minute she walked out of the door, Maric erupted. “Who does she think she is? How dare she talk to me like that and accuse me of not caring about you? I was trying to distract you from everything going on and take your mind off things. I am a good friend. Why didn’t you talk to her?”
“Honestly, she was right,” I mumbled and Marie looked offended. “I just- everything is happening so fast and I need something to keep me grounded. I am freaking out about the speech and how everything could possibly go wrong. You didn’t even ask.”
“I didn’t know I had to ask. If you had a problem then you could have just told me. Why would you sit there and allow me look like the bad person?”
“That wasn’t what I was trying to do. I just wanted some peace and quiet,” Marie scoffed. “Come on, Marie, you cannot seriously be pissed about this.”
“I am not pissed about this. I am pissed that you wouldn’t just use your words and tell me when you are upset with me. I understand that you think you have the weight of the world on your shoulders and what not but I am also finding this hard. I left everything I knew to come here to support you. I left my life and my job that I loved to be with you.”
“You can’t compare that to having to be Queen and ruling over a bunch of people,” I muttered before I could stop myself and her eyes widened.
“I see, have a good day, Queen Camilla,” she gave me a mocking bow and before I could stop her, she had stormed out of the room.
She tried to slam the door shut behind her but Ryker was already standing there. He held it open and shot me an inquisitive look but all I could do was shrug. It wasn’t important anymore and I didn’t want to waste any more time thinking about it.
“Is it time?” I asked changing the subject and to his credit, he didn’t push or force me to answer any questions, he just nodded. “Good, let’s go.”
mec.
I tried to keep some sense of false bravado during the journey but by the time I saw how many people were gathered to hear
speak, it all evaporated from me. I thought I was going to throw up or pass out and it made matters worse that there was no one I remembered around. Marie had refused to come after our argument and Peggy chose to stay with her daughter. She told me she wasn’t upset with me but she didn’t want Marie to think she was choosing sides. I understood where she was coming from, that didn’t mean I had to like it.
“I can’t do this,” I whispered when I saw the number of people standing out there and waiting for me. “What am I to them?” Christine just shrugged. She looked uninterested and bored. “I am freaking out.”
“I know and frankly, I don’t care.”
“If that is your idea of an encouraging speech then I hate to say it but-” I began but she cut me off.
your tail
“You can do this, you know you can, it is the nerves talking and if you allow them, you will run out of here with between your legs. You have two options/that has never changed, you can either do this or you can run. It is up to you, Camilla. The goddess knows that you have been very proficient at running in the past so I will not balk if you decide to do it again.”
“Excuse me?” I asked but she ignored me.
“The clock is ticking. If I had to guess, I would say that you had about five minutes or less before you are called out onto that
stage. If you want to run, now is a good enough time to do it. What do you choose?”
I was silent for a full minute trying to digest her words. If it were anyone else, I would have thought they were being rude and condescending but somehow, I knew that wasn’t her aim. The words were harsh but they came from a good place. She seemed like the kind of person who practiced a lot of tough love- rough on the exterior but soft on the inside. I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of relationship we had before this.
“Has anyone ever told you that you are terrible at words of encouragement?”
“I believe you may have said something along those lines once or twice,” she shrugged. “When you need to be coddled, I will códdle you but we both know that isn’t what you need right now, you need to be pushed. You are the Queen and whether or not you remember that, it is who
ou were born to be. You can do this so shut up, stop whining and get on that stage before I push you on.”
Before I could respond, Ryker made his way over to us. He had been talking to some of the elders so he wasn’t privy to our conversation. He looked between Christine and I, a crease forming on his forehead.
“Is everything alright?” he asked and I nodded. “They are ready for you whenever you are.”
I glanced over at Christine before clearing my throat. “I’m ready.”
