Chapter 198
CAMILLA’S P.O.V
The ride back to the palace was tense and difficult to say the least. I could feel Ryker’s eyes on me the entire time and it wasn’t just him, it was everyone. I felt like a prized cattle on display and it was exhausting to say the least. Ryker wanted us to get to the palace as soon as possible so there was no room to pause and breathe. With each step our horses took, I felt like the noose around my neck was tightening and I couldn’t breathe.
I didn’t know the first thing about being Queen or about being a mother and here I was being told that I had two daughters and I had been ruling for the past two years. I couldn’t do it and it felt like everyone was counting on me and waiting for me to actually do it. I wasn’t queen material.
“Camilla,” Marie’s voice was soft and almost probing. I turned to her and I realized that she was trying to whisper. I nudged my horse closer to her. “How did you learn how to ride like this? I feel like I am about to fall off.”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “It almost feels natural to me. It must have been something I knew how to do before my… accident, I guess.” She hummed and I knew there was something more that she wanted to say but she was holding herself back. “Just ask, Marie.” wanted to say but she was holding h
minute you were in the town
“How do you feel about all of this?” she asked and I shrugged. “One and now you are on your way to being Queen. It seems like a fairytale.”
“I don’t really have a choice in the matter, do I?” I joked and she frowned. It was clear that wasn’t -the answer that she was expecting from me. “I don’t know how to answer your question, Marie. I
don’t know how to feel about all of this. I am trying to take this one day at a time or I will explode. I will lose my mind. Try asking me in a few weeks after I have figured out the kids and the mate. Ruling is the last thing on my mind.”
“I’m sorry,” her cheeks heated with embarrassment. “I didn’t
ven ask about that. How are you going to deal with the children? Are you going to pretend to remember them? Are you going to ignore them?”
“I have to pretend. They don’t deserve any of this. They are innocent and they at least deserve their mother, even if I don’t remember who she is.”
Marie gave me a soft smile. “You are a better person than I am. I would have taken off for the hills if all of this was thrust on me.”
I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. I felt Ryker turn towards me but I did everything possible not to look at him. His gaze was always piercing and there was something about him that had the hair at the back of my neck standing on edge. Even if I couldn’t remember him, the mate bond did and I could feel it working overtime trying to pull us closer to each other.
“I want to run, believe me,” I said in response to Marie’s earlier statement. “What good would it do though? I want to remember my past. I want to know what happened to me and there is only one place I can find that out. It is daunting but I can do it.”
“I’ll be by your side every step of the way if you need my help.”
1/4
Chapter 198
“Thank you, Marie, that means a lot to me.”
Ryker’s stare started to become overbearing and I could feel Christine’s alongside his. I gave Marie a small smile and turned to face forward not saying another word.
I knew the exact moment we were almost at the palace. The roads seemed familiar and some part of me knew that I could lead myself there but I stayed silent. I wasn’t sure if it was my memory coming back because I couldn’t connect any event to the roads, I just knew them. I didn’t want to say anything so as not to give anyone false hope. I didn’t want Ryker thinking he was getting his mate back and then it turned out to just be a fluke of muscle memory.
“The girls will be in their rooms,” Christine explained to me the closer we got to the palace. “I can hide your appearance from them for today but Audrey is sneaky and if she hears that you are here, she will come find you.”
“How old are they?” I asked not wanting to be hit with surprise when I saw the children. “Can you also give me a breakdown of their personalities? I want to know how to relate to them.”
“Audrey is four years old. She is the sassiest little girl you will ever meet. She adores you but she loves me more,” Ryker seemed in love with her as he spoke. I couldn’t stop myself from smiling. He was definitely a great father, that much was certain. “She is very emotional as well and she-”
He trailed off on the last word and I saw a dark look cross his face. He shared a glance with Christine and I couldn’t help the pang of jealousy I felt at that which I thought was completely irrational. I didn’t even know him, what right did I have to be jealous?
“Aurora on the other hand is one year old. She walks but she loves to be carried. She loves you
and since you disappeared, she has been extremely frolicky. Her first word was mama and you adore them both,” I didn’t miss the fact that he didn’t finish whatever it was that he was saying about Audrey. “They will be excited to see you and Audrey might be a little much at first. I’ll be there to try and keep them calm in case you get overwhelmed.”
“I’ll be fine,” I wasn’t sure if I was telling him or myself. I just knew that the words had to be true. I couldn’t risk breaking down in front of everyone. “What kind of a queen was I?”
“A good one,” it was Christine who responded. “Everyone loves you. You saved them countless times and you have done everything possible to ensure that the people are protected. You are a good Queen, Camilla and I know you will continue to be one.”
I couldn’t say a word mainly because we were standing in front of the palace. It looked large and daunting in person and it took everything in me not to turn the horse around and hightail out of there. I was in over my head when I agreed to come, that much was certain because there was no way that I was going to make it.
There were guards in front of the palace and I saw varying degrees of shock on their faces as we got closer. They looked confused on what to do but as soon as we stopped the horses, they all bowed embarrassingly low. My cheeks heated but I quickly remembered that I was meant to be Queen and queens did not blush at the sight of servants kneeling to them. I lifted my chin and tried to keep my face a carefully neutral mask.
“Your majesty,” one of them finally whispered. “I thought we all feared the worst. I have to tell the elders. They need to stop the ceremony.”
2/4
Chapter 198
Ryker made his way over to me and held out a hand to help me off the horse. I hesitantly took it trying to ignore the sparks that danced across my skin where we touched. With one hand in mine, he placed the other around my waist and helped me down. I expected him to let go of me but instead, he pulled me closer and dropped his lips to my ear.
“That is Steven, he is one of your most trusted guards. He watched over you when you first arrived. Your mother put him in charge of you,” I stilled at the mention of my mother. I couldn’t remember her. How could I have a mother that I couldn’t remember? “I will explain everything to you later. For now, everyone is watching.”
He pulled away from me keeping one hand on my waist and I turned to Steven with a smile.
“It feels good to be back,” I lied with a smile on my face. “I have missed you Steven. You have no idea.”
“Do you want me to get the princesses?”
“No,” I said almost too quickly before clearing my throat. “You should inform the elders. I want to make sure that when I see my daughters, I will not be interrupted.”
Steven bowed and I was led away by Ryker.
If I thought the stares outside were terrible, I was in for another treat inside because everyone was looking at me. I felt so self conscious that it proved a challenge for me to keep my head up high, If not for Ryker’s hand around my waist, I would have taken off, that much was certain.
“I will take Peggy and Marie to their rooms,” Christine announced and I nearly panicked. I wasn’t sure how I would deal without them much less when I was alone with Ryker. “Ryker will take you to your room where you can change into your clothes. The elders will want to see you and you would want to be dressed for that. They can be a bit much.”
I swallowed deeply. I wanted to refuse but she walked away without another word. Marie turned to me and I knew if I had asked her to stay, she would have but I could see in her eyes that she wanted to explore. This was a lifetime opportunity for her. I shoved my prejudices aside and gave her a
curt nod.
I saw relief fill her features as she mouthed. “I’ll come looking for
you later.”
I watched her disappear with Christine leaving me alone with my mate. Against my better judgment, I turned to face Ryker only to find that he was already staring at me. There were so many emotions in his eyes that I feared I would lose myself trying to figure out them all.
“I take it we shared a room,” I began slowly and he nodded.
“Yes, but I can have another room prepared for you if you
you want.”
“It would raise shoulders, would it not?” he nodded again. I exhaled deeply before squaring my shoulders. “Then no, one room is perfect. Lead the way.”
