Chapter 191
RYKER’S P.O.V
I was a mess.
That was the only accurate way I could describe myself. It had been almost two months and if I wished, I could have given the exact number of days and even hours but I was so strung up that most times I could barely remember where I was. Everyone watched me like a coiled spring ready to snap. Maybe it was because I hadn’t spoken about it to anyone or maybe it was the fact that the last time they tried, I forbade anyone from speaking. The only people who got to see me smile were my daughters and even then it felt forced.
I wasn’t sure how to do this whole ruling ting without Camilla and I couldn’t help but wonder what exactly was stopping her from.returning. I knew she wasn’t dead, I could feel the bond, albeit a bit smothered probably due to distance but I could feel it and I knew that she was alive but I didn’t know where she was. It didn’t stop me from looking for her every second I could spare.
My days were filled to the brim with palace work, my daughters and trying to find Camilla. Juan and Christine helped out where they could but I could tell they did it more out of pity than anything. Even I could see how it could potentially look pathetic but I knew what I felt and I knew that Camilla was alive. There was nothing that could make me stop believing that.
I shook my head to clear the thoughts out and stacked up my files as neatly as possible. It was sometime around seven if I were to guess and I knew it was only a matter of time before Audrey came to me to tuck her in bed. She had been suspiciously quiet since Camilla disappeared. She asked for her mother every day for a week and I explained as best as I could to a child her age. Her mother was missing. To say that she was distraught would have been an understatement but she didn’t fight me on it, she didn’t even cry.
I found her in her room seated cross legged on the bed. She was already in her pajamas and she was struggling with the fish braids on her head. I immediately rushed over to assist and she reluctantly let me. She didn’t say a word, only kept her eyes fixated on the moon in the sky.
“Do you think mummy is staring at the moon too?” she asked and I shrugged. “I like to think she is.”
“I would like to think she is too,” I whispered in agreement. “She will be back, I promise.”
Audrey didn’t say a word as I brushed her hair, she simply shrugged. I wanted to reach out to her but I didn’t know how. I tried all that I knew to do. Camilla had always been better at these things than I was. I didn’t know
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how to offer verbal support, I just knew how to be there and so I was. I stood there brushing her hair until she leaned backwards into my arms and then I picked her up.
My skin itched with the need to be out there searching for Camilla but my daughter needed me. It was clear from the way she clung to my neck and wrapped herself around me. I let out a deep breath when I felt the first tear drop on my shoulder. It broke my heart to see her cry and it hurt even more when I realized she was trying to stay quiet. She was a child, she had no reason to smother her cries.
“It’s okay,” I assured her. “You can cry, it’s just me and you.” She sniffled into my shoulder. “I’m right here. I am not going anywhere until you are fine.”
“I knew she was going to die,” she whispered and I stilled. I pulled back so that I could look her in the eye.
“Your mother is not dead. I don’t care what you heard or what anyone may say, she is alive.”
“I saw her,” she cut me off. “She fell off the cliff with the mean woman. I saw it. I saw the blood and Aurora and mummy-”
Her voice cracked on the end but there was only one thing that bothered me and it was the fact that Audrey was nowhere near present when any of those things happened. She was in the cave where I had kept her safe. I reluctantly pulled away from my sobbing daughter and placed her on the bed. I sat down in front of her and clasped her hands in mine. Her eyes were still cast down and tears dripped freely from her cheeks.
“I need you to listen to me, Audrey, and you are going to answer me, okay?” I asked and she slowly nodded. I wiped her cheeks clean. “What do you mean by you saw it happen? You were in the cave, weren’t you?”
“I was,” she agreed.
“Then how did you see it? If you were not there then how did you know?”
“I saw it in my dreams,” she explained and my brows furrowed in confusion. “I told you before when we met Lyla the first time. I didn’t remember until after mummy went missing.”
It took me a second to realize what she was talking about and when I did, I ran my hands through my hair while muttering curses under my breath. I had completely forgotten about the dreams she had. It seemed like a lifetime ago. I had pushed it into the corners of my mind because Lyla said when she did the spell that she
erased her memories.
“Wait, you remember?” I asked and she nodded slowly. I ran my hands down my jaw and forced a small smile on
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my face. I placed a comforting kiss on her forehead and pulled the covers up to her chin. “It’s okay, your mum is alive and everything will be fine, I promise.”
I turned to leave but she called out to me. “Daddy, can you do something?”
“What is it, princess?”
“It’s mummy,” she began slowly. “Please find her.”
“I will.”
I walked away from the room and the moment I was gone, I went in search of Juan and Christine. They were the only two who completely understood everything that was happening. I didn’t have to search for them long because I found them outside the council room.
“Thank the goddess that you are both here. There is something that we need to talk about.”
“That’s good,” Christine began awkwardly. “We want to talk to you too.”
It was the tone of her voice that had me taken aback. There was something off about it, almost careful as if she didn’t want to risk offending me. I narrowed my eyes between her and Juan and that was when I noticed that they were both fidgeting.
“Spit it out,” I frowned. “You’re going to piss me off either way so you might as well just go along with it.”
Christine sighed. “We are worried about you. All of us, including the elders and they have come to the decision that you need to take over from Camilla officially until Audrey is of age.”
“She’s not dead.”
She opened her mouth to speak but Juan cut her off. “Let’s say that I agree with you- they do not. You have been searching for two months. Everyone is just about ready to move on. I know it is absolutely f**king terrifying but the world needs to move on and so do you.”
“I am not leaving her out there alone. She is alive and I am going to find her.”
“We just wanted to warn you so they don’t spring it up on you tomorrow,” Christine interrupted. “We are on your side, Ryker. I have watched the girls while you went looking for her and Juan has helped you search for her. I want her to be alive more than anything, if not for you then for the girls. They deserve their mother.”
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“Then help me convince the elders. I need more time. I will find her if I have more time,” she opened her mouth to interrupt but I cut her off. “Audrey’s visions are coming back. She remembered one of the old ones. She told me exactly how Camilla fell off that cliff.”
They both stilled. Neither one of them said a word. I looked in the hallway to make sure no one was there before pulling them into the council room with me. Once we were alone, I explained everything that had happened in Audrey’s room. By the time I was done, they looked just as shocked and terrified as I felt.
“Lyla isn’t here anymore,” Christine spoke first and I nodded slowly. “If her visions come back, none of us will be able to control it.”
“I know,” I whispered. “We need to find Isabella. Audrey is going to need her mother during this. There has to be something that we can do to buy me more time.”
“I can try to talk to them,” Christine didn’t sound convinced even as she spoke. “There was an old tradition. It stopped over two hundred years ago but it was a three to five week long mourning process for the ruling monarch before the next ruler was announced. I can try and convince the elders to host it for Camilla but it will only buy you approximately a month.”
It wasn’t ideal but I knew I wasn’t going to get a better option than that so I nodded. “It’ll have to do. I will keep looking. I have searched the towns around the lake. I am going to extend the area just in case she wandered off a bit too far. Thank you, Christine.”
I turned to leave when she spoke. “If she is alive, then why didn’t she come back home?” I stilled. “Surely, you have thought about that.”
“I have,” I admitted.
“Camilla loves her family, and you know it. If she were alive, she would have rushed back here, so why hasn’t she?”
