“You guys have been together for so long. Why are you still lacking confidence in yourself?”
“I’m not lacking in confidence; I just don’t want to be egoistic like I was before and that I won’t be disappointed if things don’t work out. Now, I do everything while keeping in mind the worst scenario, so that there will be no more room for disappointment but only surprises.”
Upon hearing this, Han Muzi kept silent. She didn’t expect that Yan had toiled herself into such a state. After a long gaze at Yan, Han Muzi abruptly extended her arms before wrapping them around Yan’s shoulders. “Silly girl, you can love a person with all your heart and soul, but you should never lose yourself for loving him. Although Han Qing is my brother, I have to tell you these.
When it comes to relationships, you can’t be insignificant. Both of you are equal in a balanced equation, where you love him and he loves you back. But if he doesn’t love you as much as you love him, then stop loving him as much.” Otherwise, the one who gives the most would always end up being the one who got hurt the most, Han Muzi thought and deeply understood.
Every word of Han Muzi reached down and left its impact in Yan’s heart as she lightly patted Han Muzi’s shoulders, pretending to be relaxed. “Don’t worry, I will not lose myself. I only want to readjust my way of living and thoughts so that I can always remain hopeful. Just think, isn’t it better if things turn up for the better when I least expected it? On the other hand, if I keep my hopes high and then it fails, I will be so upset. But now, I won’t feel that way because I already embraced myself for the worst case scenario. So even if the worst comes my way, I won’t be too miserable…”
Han Muzi couldn’t help but feel that what she said also made sense. It sounded pathetic in a way, but there would be more surprises than disappointments indeed. Perhaps everyone had their own way of living and the choice of making decisions, and she shouldn’t interfere too much. With that in mind, Han Muzi uttered, “Alright, you know what you are doing. Let’s carry on with the checkup now.”
“Yes!” Yan nodded.
When the result was released, Yan was confirmed to be pregnant. Holding the report, Yan buried her face onto Han Muzi’s shoulders and almost broke out in tears.
“Congratulations to our dearest Yan! You are going to be a mother.”
Han Qing is going to be a father too, thought Yan. Still, she didn’t want to reveal the news to Han Qing yet. “Could you not tell your brother or anyone else about this for now?” Yan drew back as she attempted to discuss this matter over with Han Muzi.
“Huh? You didn’t want to tell him prior to this because you weren’t sure. But now that you are, what is holding you back?”
Embarrassed, Yan murmured, “I want to get myself ready before I tell him.”
Han Muzi could guess what she planned to do next. “Okay, I will just pretend that I know nothing about this. You’re right, it’s between you and him after all. It is not my place to meddle with this too much.”
“Okay.”
Yan went her own way as the both of them left the hospital. When Han Muzi got back into the car, Ye Moxuan’s expression was cold. “Is everything settled?”
Han Muzi grumbled and moved over to greet Little Sprout. “Little Sprout, Mommy is back.”
“What did she need you for?” Ye Moxuan was still struggling to get over what Yan had done to Han Muzi in previous years. And now, she even asked Han Muzi out, taking away the precious time that they could have spent together.
“It was nothing. She was just feeling unwell, so she asked me to accompany her for a body checkup.” Han Muzi was still playing with Little Sprout, her expression vibrant and lively.
Watching the happy and funny faces that Han Muzi was making with Little Sprout in front of him, Ye Moxuan’s anger and frustration from the long hours of waiting slowly subsided. “Why couldn’t she just go to the hospital by herself if she’s feeling unwell? She’s not a kid anymore who needs company. You are very busy now that you have a husband with children.”
Han Muzi stopped with her playful gestures and raised her head, looking at Ye Moxuan in astonishment. “Lately, I’ve noticed that you have been behaving rather strangely.”
Her bright eyes shone as though they could see through his eyes and reach his heart. Ye Moxuan pursed his lips and asked, “Really? Strange in what way?”
“You weren’t… so clingy with me before. But now, you are just inseparable with me, like you are afraid that I would disappear anytime. What’s going on?”
Ye Moxuan was dumbstruck by her question, but it was only because he was unprepared to answer her. Indeed, he was not like this with her before.
“I’ve noticed that since you have regained your memory, you have grown very attached to me. The situation got worse after I gave birth. What’s wrong? Why do you have to follow me so closely?” Han Muzi never had the chance to raise him this question before. Since the opportunity had presented itself, she might as well grab it now.
Ye Moxuan puckered his lips, falling deep in his thoughts. It had to be traced back to the time when he started to regain his memories. No one else had gone through his experience—from the plane crash to him falling into the wide open sea—and how traumatized and helpless he felt. On that very day, he was the bridegroom and his beloved woman was waiting for him on the altar to marry him. However, he failed to make it that day. Ye Moxuan could almost imagine how devastating it must be for Han Muzi having to face all of the relatives and reporters when he didn’t show up. Not to mention how terrifying it was for him at the thought of not being able to see her ever again. When flashes of memory came rushing back to him, they were like bits and pieces of recollections and emotions that lay scattered on the ocean, crushing him and leaving him powerless, drowning him no matter how hard he tried to stay afloat. Humans were so insignificantly small in the vast expanse and majesty of nature. These memories were like waves, one stronger than the other. He seemed to be able to cope in the beginning, but he always ended up feeling exhausted, and then completely being swallowed up.
Moreover, when Han Muzi gave birth to Little Sprout, Ye Moxuan had followed her into the delivery room where he witnessed her delivery with his very own eyes and saw how exhausted she was. As he gripped her hands tightly and looked at her pale face, he brought his mind back to the times he was lost at sea, being carried and splashed by the waves, draining every last ounce of his energy.
With that, Ye Moxuan’s mind slowly drifted back to reality. He caught Han Muzi’s gaze, looking at him with deep concern. “What happened to you?” She waved her hand before his eyes and asked, “Are you alright? Your expression tells me that you have just recalled something unpleasant.”
“I’m fine.” Ye Moxuan assured her as he didn’t want her to worry.
But Han Muzi didn’t believe him because his expression had clearly betrayed him while he was in deep thoughts. She well knew most of his memories, so when Ye Moxuan had that expression on his face, she could tell what it was all about.
