Chapter 243 Abortion
That night, I did not manage to catch even a wink of sleep. Within my mind, all I could think of was Michael’s engagement plan with Emma.
“Michael, are you really willing to marry Emma? Won’t you regret it?”
I had been contemplating how to ask that question for a very long time, but I eventually failed to suppress my doubt. When I spoke, I was not even sure if Michael was still awake.
“So what if I’m not willing?”
He answered my question with another question.
Nonetheless, I could sense that he did not seem that bothered to proceed with the engagement.
“If you’re not willing, why would you do it then? Don’t you think spending a life with someone you don’t love is quite a miserable life?”
I turned around to face him with my eyes looking extremely earnest.
“Not everything in this life goes as we please.”
He stared back at me, his tone utterly composed. But somehow, I could felt slight helplessness in it.
I was at a loss for words at that moment. Perhaps he has a good reason to follow and accept the arrangement made by his family.
It seemed like love was not the top priority in his world.
“It’s late. We should get some sleep.”
Trying hard to suppress the sorrow in my heart, I closed my eyes after saying that.
I was not sleepy at all, but I was petrified to continue the conversation with him. I feared that I would eventually find out that he would not cancel the engagement regardless of his feelings for me.
As I closed my eyes tightly, but I could feel Michael still gazing at me. After a short moment, he reached his hand and caressed my face gently.
My body trembled slightly upon feeling his touch. At that instant, I wished I could jump right into his embrace and beg him not to marry Emma.
But who am I to ask him for that? And even if I said it, I was not sure if he would change his mind.
“Giving up on you might be the hardest decision I will ever have to make in this life.”
With his hand still on my face, he whispered out those words.
Upon hearing that, my chest heaved up and down as I tried to suppress my emotions. I could feel the sincerity in his words, but I could not comprehend why a man would choose his career over his happiness.
In the end, I did not open my eyes to face him, eventually dozing off without realizing it. I slept soundly that night; I guess Michael gave me a unique sense of security.
However, Michael had already left when I woke up the next morning.
Staring at the deserted room, I felt a sudden emptiness within my heart. Are we really becoming strangers from now on?
I sat on the bed with my hands wrapped tightly around my legs. I started thinking back on all our memories. Even though Michael often treated me coldly and domineeringly, he was the only one who was there for me whenever I needed help.
Staring at the empty bed, I could still smell his scent from it. Last night would most probably be the last time I would ever get to meet him.
I locked myself from the world for these two days. I did not dare to turn on the television nor the computer at all, as all the news would be broadcasting about Michael’s sensational engagement. I did not think I would be able to accept that reality.
During the weekend, I finally got out of my room, heading towards the hospital. On this same day, Michael would be getting engaged with Emma.
On the day of my appointment for my abortion, I arrived at the doctor’s office bright and early. The doctor saw me entering the office and said indifferently, “Have a seat. So have you decided to truly abort the baby?”
“Yes, I have. It’s not the right time for me to have a kid.”
I lowered my head and said this sentence hesitantly.
“Then get yourself ready now. We will proceed with the operation half an hour later.”
After confirming my decision, the doctor gave me a set of verbal instructions to follow.
Half an hour later, the doctor guided me to the operating room. My heart skipped a beat looking at all sorts of tools in that room.
Upon seeing the doctor start to disinfect all those tools, my heart fell with a thud. It was my first time entering an operation room, so I was reasonably terrified.
My face paled in fright the second I saw the doctor holding up a tool and approaching me.
A few minutes later, the doctor turned to look at me. I could not recognize her face as she was wearing a surgical mask.
“Take off your pants and lie down.”
She pointed rigidly at the bed behind me.
After hesitating for a long while, I stepped towards the bed slowly and took off my pants. Even though I had never undergone an abortion before, I had expected the need to expose my lady part.
Although it was a female doctor attending to me, I still could not help but feel embarrassed. After all, besides Michael, no one had ever seen my private lady parts.
I forced myself to lie down on the bed with my heart pounding uncontrollably.
The baby belonged to Michael and I. At that moment, some part of me somehow wished I could keep it.
As I lay on the bed, my body started to tremble incessantly.
The doctor instructed gently, “Spread your legs, please. I can’t operate on you like this.”
It seemed like she detected my nervousness and was trying to calm me down.
Closing my eyes, I reluctantly spread my legs. I persuaded myself that there was nothing to be shy of, as the doctor must have conducted such an operation countless time.
“I’ll disinfect you first. And before the operation, I’ll give you an anesthetic. So you won’t feel any pain throughout the process. Don’t worry.”
The doctor was still kind enough to give me some comforting words.
“Thank you.”
I opened my eyes, not knowing else how to respond to her.
I could not see what she was doing as I lay down, but I could feel something cold on the lower part of my body. She must be disinfecting me.
At that moment, the only thing I could see was the operation light above me. Thinking that the baby inside my belly would soon be gone, I could not help but start to panic a little.
I was not a cold-blooded person, and I felt remorse for ending a life like this.
After completed the disinfection, the doctor directed the operation light towards my lady part and went to take a needle. I guessed it must be the anesthetic.
At that moment, I felt as though my spirit was leaving my body. Once she injected the anesthetic, I would not be able to feel anything — everything would be over once I woke up.
