“Yeah, I am. I pulled an all-nighter,” he answered calmly and went to sleep, oblivious to my feelings.
It was just a simple answer, but it hit me like a truck. I couldn’t believe he admitted to it without any explanation. “Were you with Emma last night?”
I was holding on to a sliver of hope, convincing myself that Emma was lying to me. Maybe he wasn’t even at her place last night. Even though the chances of that happening was close to zero, I wanted to believe in it. But I knew it must be true since Emma called me using his phone. That couldn’t have happened if he wasn’t with her.
“How did you know?” He gave me a look of surprise and sounded alarmed.
I didn’t get the answer straight from his mouth, but his aversion was already an answer in of itself. So he was with Emma last night. Why is he looking so alarmed, though? Is he suspecting me of something? We’ve known each other for so long. I thought you understood me.
I closed my eyes silently, and tears streamed down my cheeks.
He frowned in displeasure because of my silence, then he turned me around by force. “What is goi—” Michael was about to interrogate me, but he swallowed his words when he saw me crying. “Why are you crying? I haven’t even begun.”
Michael looked like he was worried about me, though I wondered if I was just reading into it too much. Maybe I was, since there was no way he’d worry about me.
I decided to not hide it anymore, so I stared back into his eyes. Even so, I couldn’t stop crying. “Is this it, Michael? Are you gonna break up with me?” I asked calmly. If he were to say yes, I’d leave him without a fuss.
“Is that all you think about, Anna?”
It wasn’t the first time I had confronted him with that question, and he’d blow up every time. I tried to force him into breaking up with me at first so I could leave him, but at this point, I was just terrified about the fact of breaking up.
Everyone might think I was just a slut for keeping Michael around as a friend with benefit when he was in a committed relationship, but I didn’t care. I couldn’t help myself from falling deeper and deeper into this pit of love.
“Because that’s how I feel. Emma’s your girlfriend, and you two seem to get along well. Since that’s the case, I don’t see why I should stay around,” I answered bravely, but in reality, I knew I was hurting myself.
He was fuming, but I had to do it. If I were to stay with him any longer, I would eventually go beyond the point of no return.
“Emma’s a different case, Anna. You’re my woman, understand?” Michael answered darkly, dominantly.
It was obvious that Michael wasn’t going to break up with me, but I was starting to worry. If I were to go beyond the point of no return, I wondered if I could manage to save myself from the pain. My heart had been shattered into a million pieces before, and I didn’t want to go through it again.
I peered at him seriously, mustered all my courage, and asked, “Do you like me, Michael?” I wanted to know how he saw me, and if he actually cared about me.
Michael was slightly surprised. He frowned for a moment, thinking about my question, then he answered, “I do like you.”
His answer hit where it mattered the most, and I was shaken. I couldn’t believe that he’d say that to me, but at the same time, I cried even harder. Even though our relationship wasn’t blessed, hearing him say that he liked me filled me up with bliss.
And then all that bliss came tumbling down, plunging me into hell. “I like to f*ck you, Emma. You’re the only woman who can turn me on.”
I felt suffocated, and I looked at him painfully. So the only thing he likes about me is my… I see. I’m a fool for thinking that he actually likes me. For some reason, I regretted asking him that since his answer crushed me underfoot.
“I see. Well, I am, after all, your friend with benefit, so I guess it’s not surprising that’s the only reason you like me.” I laughed at myself, staring at him in agony.
Michael was also looking at me, but his gaze was quizzical, and a frown creased his forehead. “You’ve been acting weird today,” he said calmly.
Michael’s gaze pierced through me, but I couldn’t see through him. “It’s still early, so go to sleep.” I turned my gaze away, refusing to talk to him any longer.
Frankly, I was disappointed, but not in him. I was disappointed in myself for expecting too much out of him. In the end, I had forgotten where I stood.
“What’s wrong, Anna?” Michael queried darkly. Apparently, he was annoyed because I turned away again, and the tension between us rose.
“Nothing. I’m exhausted, that’s all.” I started crying again, but I held my sorrow down so he wouldn’t hear me sniffling. Then I pretended to sleep, telling myself to give up on Michael. Don’t hold your breath. He’s just your f*ck buddy, Anna. That’s all he is.
Without warning, Michael suddenly started pinning me down and kissed my ears. His breathing became heavier, which was a telltale sign that he wanted to f*ck me again. However, I remained motionless because, honestly, I was not in the mood for it.
He started moving down and kissed my neck. I could feel the desire within him, but I really didn’t want to do it. Finally, I couldn’t keep it in anymore, so I turned around and shoved him away.
Caught by surprise, Michael was pushed back, much to his annoyance. His face fell, and he glowered. “Are you crazy, Anna?” I could see the flames of fury in his eyes that threatened to burn me to cinders.
