“How much longer are you going to keep this up? It’s been days, so get back here! What, do you want me to go and pick you up? Stop being so childish. It was just a light beating, and you ran away because of that? What’s next? Are you going to cut all ties with me?” Isabelle sounded impatient and upset as if I was the one being unreasonable here, not her.
I couldn’t believe I expected more from her. All my excitement died at that moment, and I mocked, “I can see you’re missing me, Mom.”
“That’s enough, I don’t want to talk about useless stuff like that. Get back here once you’re done throwing your tantrum. Your father has been complaining ever since you ran away. You are to come back this afternoon. I want to see you at lunchtime,” Isabelle ordered imperiously, not giving me any chance to negotiate.
Useless stuff? Throwing a tantrum? I would have dismissed that usually, but coming from Isabelle, it hurt me deeply. Nonetheless, I forced a smile. “Mom, is that all you have to say?” I asked softly.
“What else do you want me to say?” Isabelle was confused. She kept quiet for a while before answering, “Are you expecting me to apologize? That was just a light punishment for a mistake you did, and you want me to say sorry for that? How much of a baby can you be? Can’t you learn from Crystal? She thanks me every time I give her something, and she cares about me, unlike you.”
“Oh, you want me to learn from her? Well, what do you want me to learn then? Do you want me to learn how to butter up to the rich and powerful? How to mock and belittle those who are down on their luck? Mom, Crystal’s going to dump you the moment you lose power. Why do you even care about her? I just don’t understand.”
I pulled at my hair, sadness and frustration welling up within me. I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. I felt confused every time I got into a conflict with Isabelle, especially when Crystal was around. What went wrong, exactly?
“You can’t talk like that about Crystal. You two grew up together. You should treat her like she’s your sister. Now that she’s down on her luck, you should give her a hand!” Isabelle growled. “I don’t want to argue with you. Pack your stuff and come back. Your father—”
“Enough!” I roared, venting my fury and frustration. “Why should I go home? Just to see you love Crystal more than you love me? Just to get insulted by the both of you? Mom, it’s either her or me!”
“What are you talking about? I’m very disappointed in you, Yvonne. If you still think of me as your mother, you’d better come home, or I’ll—”
“You’ll disown me? Well, it’s not the first time I heard that!” I interrupted her. Yes, I was sad and nervous the first time she said that, since it felt like I was hurt by the person I cared the most about. But the more she said that, the less panicked I was. Eventually, I was annoyed. Isabelle was my mother, but she blackmailed me emotionally with that tie every chance she could.
“I’m disappointed in you as well, Mom. You know nothing. Nothing at all. You never saw things from my point of view. Do you even love me? Sometimes I wonder about that. You don’t care about my existence either. I exist just so you can tell everyone I’m the proof of your relationship.”
I was shouting, sobbing, and covering my mouth, but still, I couldn’t stop crying. That kind of thought had been creeping up on me recently. To my horror, I found that Isabelle’s love for me wasn’t as deep as I thought it was. She didn’t remember my favorite food, the color of my shirt, the drawing I made for her when I was a kid, and she even remembered my birthday wrongly.
My mother didn’t love me, especially when Crystal was there.
