I spent every second of the past four days praying that Christopher would wake up sooner, but when he finally did, I could not bring myself to see him. No matter how much I hate Monica, I had to admit that what she said was true.
I knew she had no ill intentions, but with just a few words, she had managed to change my mind. It would be easier for Christopher to accept my death if they told him I died on the island.
If he knew I died because of a terminal illness—and that he was the cause—he would never walk out of the guilt.
Behind the door, I could hear Christopher struggling to speak with his weak voice.
“Where is Yvonne? She was with me on the island. Did you see her, Mom? She’s the girl who gave you walnut cookies last time.”
“Chris…” Julia was hesitant.
“She’s my wife, Mom. She did everything she could to save me. Please, tell me where she is now.” Christopher was getting agitated. His voice became more assertive, but it soon broke into a violent cough.
“Calm down, Chris. She’s still resting in her ward. I’ll bring you over to see her when you’re feeling better, is that okay?”
“No, I want to see her now. How can I rest here without knowing she’s doing fine?”
A loud thud followed right after, and a commotion ensued. Julia and Gordon were shouting, and the noise grew louder as it got closer to the door. I grabbed Darius’ hand, preventing him from opening it.
I recalled how determined I was when I told Monica I would stick to Christopher even in death, but now that I heard his voice, I knew I loved him too much to let him go through the pain of watching me die.
Christopher was my guardian angel. He treated me like a gem and protected me over and over again. I was the first thing that came to his mind after he woke up. There was no way I could let someone like him suffer because of me.
“What’s the matter?” Darius asked.
I closed my eyes as tears flowed down my cheeks. I covered my mouth, hoping Christopher would not hear me. “Bring me back to my room. I don’t want to see him,” I said, tugging Darius on his hand.
Darius was evidently surprised at my request. He asked if that was really what I wanted, and I insisted with feigned calm. The moment I got back to my room, however, I completely lost it.
I kept telling myself life was good. I had a man who loved me dearly, and I had everything anyone ever wanted in life. It was just that my joy was short-lived. I should not be so selfish as to bring the person I loved most with me down the vortex of misery.
“Chris is really worried. Are you sure you don’t want to see him?”
“Darius, I only have three more months to live. There’s nothing I can do to make Christopher feel better.”
Darius watched me silently, not knowing what to say.
My body was still shaking uncontrollably although I had stopped crying. I took a deep breath and turned toward Darius, saying, “Don’t tell Christopher about my illness.”
“But it’ll just be a matter of time before he finds out. He’s a smart guy. There’s no way we can hide your condition from him.”
I scooped the blanket in my embrace and held on tightly to it, shaking my head. “Don’t even tell him I survived. Just say I died on the island, my body was washed away by the tides, and no one ever found me. It will be easier for him to accept that I died on the island.”
“Ms. Tanner, you don’t have to do this.” Darius then said after a sigh, “You don’t have to shoulder this on your own. Chris is a responsible man. He will go through this with you till the very end.”
“Do you know how difficult it is for me to accept my sickness? How can I put Christopher through the same thing and demand that he watch me die in his embrace? It will be better for him to not see me at all. He will forget about me very soon anyway.”
