I nodded and pointed towards the hugging couple. I teased, “You’ve never told me about your past relationships.”
I paused as Rebecca abruptly came to mind. He did say that he had never loved Rebecca.
As we made our way through the crowds, he stuck closer to me and replied, “I didn’t date when I was younger.”
Shocked by his reply, I stared at him in disbelief. “No! You’re pulling my leg, right?”
“Back then, I was swamped with classes and essays every day. Grandpa also arranged for me to take extra law classes, so I basically didn’t have time for anything else.”
His explanation seems pretty reasonable. Pouting, I continued to prod him for an answer. “Didn’t you have any crushes then?”
His eyes bored into mine as he replied, “I had a crush on you the moment I saw you at J University.”
Stunned, I began to blush furiously.
We continued walking at a leisurely pace. Suddenly he asked, “Don’t you have questions for me?”
“What questions?” Confused, I stared back at him.
“A few days ago, Flora told me that there was a lipstick mark on my shirt. Why aren’t you asking me about it?”
This caught me by surprise, though I quickly recovered myself and said, “There’s nothing to ask. I trust you!”
I could see that my answer had stunned him into silence. He appeared to be deep in thought, though I didn’t have the mental energy to try and guess what was on his mind. I just wanted to enjoy my walk with him before his imminent return to the office.
At the doors to the office, I waved goodbye to him and didn’t follow him in. I gestured for him to head on up without me.
He didn’t leave but stood there, staring at me. “You go first. I’ll go in after you leave.”
I didn’t argue with him but merely smiled at him. I felt a twinge of regret at our somewhat anti-climactic separation.
I’d only taken a few steps before I turned and ran towards him, giving him a tight hug. I said hoarsely, “Take care.”
He frowned, puzzled at my behavior. “What’s wrong? You don’t want to go home?”
I shook my head with my arms wrapped firmly around him. “I just want to hug you.”
I heard his chuckle before he replied, “Why don’t you stay here with me then? We can head home together later tonight.”
At this, I finally loosened my arms. I straightened out his tie with a small smile on my face. “It’s fine, I’m going back now.”
Lingering is a luxury I can no longer afford. This is goodbye, forever.
I initially thought of taking a plane, but eventually decided on a train ride.
The journey’s going to be tedious, but I’ll get to enjoy some nice views.
The train pulled away from the station. I took out my phone, knowing it would be a big mistake if I didn’t at least say goodbye.
I guess texts are handy now when I can’t bring myself to utter these words.
I began typing: Ashton, I’m sorry that I’m leaving without saying goodbye. I thought I’d recovered after returning from R Province. I thought I could stay by your side and have a happy life with you. But I should’ve known the world would be much more complicated than I imagined. I paused in the middle of typing, struck by a painful reminder. Cuts and bruises may heal over time, but they leave behind scars that will never allow us to forget the pain.
Steeling myself, I continued the message: I got myself checked at the hospital. The doctors confirmed that I can never become pregnant again. That stillborn baby cost me my dreams of bearing my own child. I can’t blame you, nor can I blame Cameron. You are the people I love, and the people I call my family. I can only call this suffering my own.
Marcus told me that the baby didn’t die of suffocation; it was actually deformed. What kind of a mother am I to give my baby such a painful fate? Maybe he was too eager to be my child and forgot to bring along some things with him in his rush. He fought so hard to meet me, yet I couldn’t save him in the end. Ashton, I hope you can forgive me for leaving like this yet again. And I hope that you can take care of Summer for me.
This is me tapping out. I used to think that revenge could help us find peace, but I’ve come to realize that the only thing we gain in return is suffering. I don’t want to take revenge or wish ill upon anyone, so I’m turning in the towel on my happy ending.
The train moved at a fast speed. Pristine views of the countryside flew past in a blur; the beauty was almost suffocating.
I spent a couple of slow days on the train. The journey brought me past the glittering lights of unfamiliar cities and the lush greenery of thick forests. Once in a while, we passed by a small town. Each sighting was, however, fleeting.
I thought about how my life had panned out over the past few years. Upon closer scrutiny, everything felt more like a dream.
I was but a bystander in this dream.
I reached Q City at dawn, and I got a night’s rest at a hotel near the train station.
I fell into a deep sleep. It was already noon when I woke up. The first thing on my agenda was to change my phone number.
I went to Speed Mobile and got a local number.
I decided to come to Q City in the end because someone once told me that it was the best place to get away from the hustle and bustle of the big city.
This is a much better place for me to lay down my roots than R Province.
I’d never sold Macy’s house in Q City. It was still registered under Summer’s name.
I changed the locks and tidied up the house before moving in. A wave of nostalgia came over me. It seemed like just yesterday when Macy and I came to Q City together.
Marcus said he buried the baby at Q City Cemetery. I wondered if it was because I once said in my sleep that I’d like to raise him in Q City.
That had been a long time ago, and I could no longer remember the situation clearly.
