Ella
Sinclair is watching me struggle through the idea that he somehow shared my dream, that he knows everything I said – secrets I would never admit if I’d known he wasn’t just some fantasy my sleeping brain cooked up. I just admitted how deeply I’m attracted to him, how much he turns me on. I can’t believe how shamelessly I rubbed myself all over him – I might as well have been a dog in heat, practically begging him to make love to me.
I did beg, I realize belatedly, And he left. He walked away even though I was his for the taking. He must have thought my behavior was pathetic. He’s wanted to kiss me in the past, he even said he wanted me in the dream, but that was before I debased myself that way. I suppose that sort of thing isn’t befitting of a Luna at all.
Suddenly Mike’s voice sounds in my head, and I remember the way he belittled me for liking sex. You’re a stunner, Ella, but you’re too eager. Men don’t want a girl whose legs fall open at the first opportunity – show a little class. He never realized it was the physical intimacy I liked, never connected the dots that sex with him was more about conception and closeness than pleasure. It would be different with Sinclair, I can tell that much already. I find more pleasure with him in the foreplay than I ever found with Mike in ten years of being together. He’s awakened parts of my body I didn’t even know existed – and now he knows it.
Sinclair is still stroking and petting me, and I can’t take it. I’ve got to put some distance between us or I’ll lose it. I wrench myself out of his arms, and he lets me go – again, the little voice in my head moans. I climb out of the bed and though my cheeks are already flooded with heat, I can feel myself flushing deeper still. “I… you… that was real?” I stutter, trying to comprehend the impossible.
“No, it was a dream.” Sinclair explains. “But we shared it. Bonded mates often visit each other in their dreams.”
“But we aren’t mates, I’m not even a shifter.” I protest. “How did this happen?”
“As you said, it must be another gift from the baby.” Sinclair replies easily.
“So you knew, all along, that it was real?” I gape, my embarrassment and shame quickly giving way to outrage. “And that I had no idea?”
“Yes.” He confirms gravely. “I knew.”
“Why didn’t you tell me!?” I burst out, feeling like I might cry. “You had to know I wouldn’t have said or done those things if I’d known! I was vulnerable and you took advantage!”
Sinclair rises from the bed, unfolding his big body and prowling after me. I can see now that he isn’t as unaffected by this situation as I initially thought. His eyes are blazing and his muscles racked with tension. His hands are closed into white-knuckled fists and his voice is low and husky. “Ella, I might be a shifter, but there are limits to even my abilities.” He rumbles. “I would have to be dead not to respond to such a tempting invitation, and you called me to your dream, not the other way around. I got caught up in the moment just like you did. I couldn’t resist… not until you reminded me that you don’t understand our ways.”
“How can I have called you to my dream, when I didn’t even know I was doing it?” I question, confusion swirling around me in a dense fog. “And why did you come?”
“Because I wanted to.” Sinclair replies, his jaw clenched so tightly the muscle twitches. “I was telling the truth about the power you have over me, Ella. I might keep some things from you, but I don’t tell falsehoods. I don’t say things I don’t mean, even in dreams.”
I wrap my arms around myself, unsure what to make of this new information. I want to believe him, as terrifying as that is, but doubts continue to plague me. “Then why did you leave?”
Sinclair exhales, and I can tell his patience is hanging by a thread. “Because you thought it was just a fantasy and I’m trying to respect your wishes.”
“Oh.” I utter softly, furrowing my brow. That isn’t what I expected, and though it should make me feel better to know he took me seriously when I told him I wasn’t interested in being with him, part of me is deeply disappointed. I know I’m being contrary and hormonal, but I can’t help it. I need more time to process this, and until I have it I’m not going to be making sense – even to myself.
Sinclair’s gaze sharpens on me, pinning me in place. “Why did you think I left?”
I shrug, “I thought maybe I was being too eager. I know men don’t like that.”
The imposing Alpha crosses the floor until he’s towering over me. My first instinct is to back away, but I find my feet frozen to the floor, unable to move. I peek up at him hesitantly, and find a fierce expression on his handsome face. “Any man who wants a lover without passion is an idiot. Yours is electrifying, and knowing I can set you alight makes me feel more powerful than anything else. Your ‘eagerness’ as you call it, is a gift, and I’d like to hunt down every man who’s ever made you feel otherwise and beat them to a pulp.”
I drop my gaze to the floor, staring at my feet. His words warm me through and through, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. Still, I can’t help thinking that this is very dangerous territory. It’s getting harder and harder to resist my attraction to him, and it’s especially difficult when he speaks to me this way.
So why are you resisting? The little voice in my head demands. You like him, he likes you, why are you fighting it?
She has a point. I’ve just been given proof that Sinclair not only returns my attraction, but also that he takes it seriously. Still, I can’t help but remember the second half of his statement – he doesn’t waste his time on relationships that aren’t going anywhere, but that’s exactly what we would be. We have no future together, and we both know it, we’re just in denial because we want to give into our desires.
Because there’s one thing more important than either of us. I remind her, Our baby. We’re about to bring a child into the world, and it deserves two loving co-parents who can give it their full attention, not a pair of exes too caught up in their own drama to priotize their child’s best interest.
But why are you so sure you’d end up as exes? She inquires. You’re predicting the end before you’ve even had a chance to begin.
I’m being realistic. The best Sinclair and I can hope for is a temporary fling. I bite back. Maybe we could have some fun together, but at the end of the day he’s going to end up with a she-wolf who can rule by his side. I’m playing a dangerous game here pretending to be something I’m not, and it’s safer for everyone involved if I fade into the background after the campaign while he finds love elsewhere.
Sinclair is watching me again, and he taps his finger lightly against my temple. “You wanna tell me what’s going on in there, trouble?”
“We can’t keep doing this Dominic.” I state, drawing in a shakey breath. “If we stay on this path, we’re headed for trouble.”
He nods, cupping my cheek and smiling when I reflexively lean my head into his hand. “Listen Ella,” He broaches carefully. “I don’t need to know why you don’t want to get involved, but I don’t have unlimited self control. If you invite me into your dreams in the future, if you offer yourself up to me that way again, I don’t think I’m going to be able to say no.”
“But I didn’t know I was doing any of that.” I say, “not for real. I don’t even know how I called you to me.”
“I know that.” He remarks, “I’m just trying to be up front with you about where I am with all this.”
“Well we only have to worry about this until after the pup is born right?” I ask, more upset by this thought than I could have predicted. “I’ll lose the connection to you when I’m no longer carrying him.”
“We’ll always be connected through our pup.” Sinclair corrects me, “but yes, I suspect many of these bonds will fade in time.”
My face falls, and I wish I had the same talent Sinclair does for masking my feelings. I’m about to pull away from him when he stops me. “There’s something else, Ella. This may sound terrible to you, but there’s something else you have to understand about shifter relationships.”
“Yes?”
“It’s in a she-wolf’s nature to make her mate prove himself to her. She won’t accept him until she’s been convinced he’s the one.
It’s a sort of mating dance – like the wild hunt, she plays hard to get and he gives chase.”
“Okay.” I gulp, my tongue darting out to lick my lips. “So what does that mean?”
“It means that if you give me reason to think that you do want to be with me but you’re holding yourself back for some reason, my wolf is going to react the same way he would to a she wolf drawing him into the hunt.” Sinclair announces ominously.
“You’re saying that you might stop respecting my wishes if you think I don’t mean them?” I repeat, indignance rising up inside me.
“That’s what being an alpha is all about. Doing what’s best for your mate even when she doesn’t agree.” Sinclair confirms.
“But I’m not your mate.” I say, amazed that I’m having to remind him of this for a second time tonight.
“We’ll see, Ella.” Sinclair purrs, his eyes glowing with barely restrained fire. “We’ll see.”
