Chapter 241 – Hope
Ella
Sinclair’s heartbeat thumps steadily beneath my ear as his hands move over my body, massaging away all the kinks in my overworked muscles. I’ve been fading in and out of consciousness for the last hour, floating in a very different kind of high than the one induced by ether. Sinclair tells me it’s not unusual for she-wolves to enter a heightened plane of consciousness amidst such an onslaught of pleasure, but I’m still getting used to the violent surge of endorphins holding my body captive.
I feel completely boneless in my mate’s arms and I really don’t want to move, but my stomach is growling and I can sense Rafe’s hunger through our bond. Sinclair senses this too, gently untangling our bodies so he can rise. I murmur in complaint and he kisses my hair, promising to return with food. I snuggle deeper into the plush bedding as his footsteps recede, still reveling over the information revealed in my most recent hypnosis session.
Audible Gift Memberships
It’s not that I find the idea of chosen mates any less romantic or important than fated ones. In fact, in some ways I think chosen mates are more special because they derive from a love which transcends divine power.
No, I think Sinclair and I are simply so happy because this news confirms what we’ve both felt for some time now: that we were made for one another and nothing in this world can come between us now that we’ve found each other.
Of course it’s not merely comforting, it also bolsters our spirits in the face of the war ahead. When Sinclair returns from the kitchens carrying a tray piled high with my favorite foods, I confess just how profoundly the priests’ vision impacted me.
“I know it was meant to give me hope back then, but I think I needed to see it now too. I needed to know there’s a chance we can beat Damon – that we can be that happy.” I say softly, accepting a bite of strawberry from his hand. “I understand it’s only one possibility, but if we can figure out how to win this war then that beautiful family – that incredible future is somewhere in our cards… we just have to play the right ones.”
“I needed it too.” Sinclair admits, holding a cheese-laden cracker to my lips. I accept the bite and chew, but I’m surprised to hear my mate disclose such doubts. He’s always so confident and in control, and though it may seem counter-intuitive, it’s a comfort to know he worries about our future just as much as I do.
“Really?” I ask, once I’ve swallowed the tasty morsel.
“You and Rafe are my strength, Ella.
Sinclair answers, his voice like gravel. You’re what keeps me going in my darkest moments. When everything else in the world seems wrong, I sleep easy knowing that there are at least two things which are so right it hurts… so much so that I’m afraid I wouldn’t be able to go on if anything happened to you.” He offers me a tender smile. “You’re not the only one whose world was turned upside down when we met, trouble.”
“That’s why it was so hard for you to agree to let me go.” I assess, stroking his cheek.
“That and because I’m a greedy bastard who wants my sweet mate within reach at all times.” Sinclair quips, only half-joking.
But yes, it will be easier to watch you drive away next week knowing that our family has a chance to not only survive, but thrive and grow even larger and more wonderful.” He sighs, reclining next to me and nibbling a piece of chocolate. “And if I’m being completely honest, it helped convince my wolf that finding your mother is the right move.” A wry canine grin flashes over his gorgeous features. “He doesn’t always respond to logic with the same ease I do.”
I chuckle, but my amusement with the ironic statement is short-lived. “I wish you could come with me.” I share, gnawing on my lower lip. “It is the right decision, isn’t it?”
I’m not sure where this sudden rush of doubt comes from, but I do realize why I couldn’t acknowledge it before now. I needed Sinclair to be entirely on board with the plan before wavering, because now that we’re on the same page the stakes aren’t simply about missing one another or safety they’re about strategic value.
“I’m afraid so.” My mate nods, offering me another strawberry. “The Goddess set all this in motion, and so far she hasn’t led us astray. Everything that has gone right has been part of her plan, so it only makes sense that we continue down that path.”
“Okay.” I nod, feeling the knot in my stomach ease. “I promise I’ll do everything in my power to ensure we have that future together.”
“So will I.” Sinclair vows, “But we can’t let it make us complacent or take it for granted. You remember what the priests said? There are no guarantees. One wrong move and it could slip through our fingers.”
“I know.” I confirm, knowing Sinclair is only reminding me because he’s so afraid that it won’t come to be. It terrifies me too.
He’s holding up a bite of chicken now, but I ignore it, leaning past his hand to steal a kiss. He cradles my head as we melt into the intimate act, his tongue teasing the seam of my lips and delving into my mouth. He tastes me with languid ease, running his hands over my belly as Rafe flutters and kicks. The pup has been radiating happiness ever since the session, no doubt feeding off of our own joy.
Of course, when we part Sinclair is watching me with an intensity that goes beyond mere affection. “Do you want to talk about the rest of the memory?” He asks.
I exhale, snagging the chicken from his fingers and using it as an excuse to delay my answer. When I finish chewing I say, “It’s strange. This morning I had no recollection of ever feeling that way. I’ve experienced depressions and low points of course, but I always thought I pulled through because I had no other choice.” I frown, not wanting to acknowledge this new window into my past. “But now that the ether has uncovered it, I remember every detail, every dreadful ounce of that pain and hopelessness.”
Sinclair doesn’t say anything, simply humming in sympathy and feeding me another bite. “I’m so ashamed that I ever considered abandoning Cora that way.” I
confess, already wanting to change the subject again. I can feel tears welling, and I don’t want to trade this glowing warmth for the doom and gloom of my past. Even so, I know my mate won’t let me get away with avoiding this conversation. “I spent so many years wondering what I’d done to deserve my life… why I was being punished. I couldn’t figure out what I’d done wrong, and eventually I did start to tell myself it had to be for some larger purpose… that there was a reason I was suffering.” I pause, swiping at an escaped tear. “I told myself I was being challenged so I could grow up and do great things: help others, prevent other children from experiencing the same horrors.”
I shake my head, choking on my next words. “But that day one of the boys I’d considered.
to be part of our little orphan pack died. He was only 7, and he’d gone to a foster family just a couple of weeks earlier.” I explain, everything rushing back at once. “They killed him after everything he survived at the orphanage… and suddenly it hit me – none of it was happening for a reason, and I wasn’t special. How could I be, when every child around me was being abused in the same way?”
Sinclair starts to purr, and I can hear his wolf whining in my head. I try to pull back on my feelings so that they don’t all flow through our bond, but my mate growls in warning and I surrender. “His death gutted me. It was proof that there was no hope for any of us – a reminder that too many people never make it to a better life… that people are cruel for the sake of being cruel and some lives are just short and brutal – full stop…” Heaving in a shaking breath, I continue, “That was the one time I considered ending it all, and I’m so glad now that I didn’t.”
Sinclair caresses my hair, “They showed you that you’d been right all along… you were being tested.”
“That isn’t the reason.” I correct him softly. “Because the rest is still true… the others didn’t have to go through all that. It happened because there are too many broken people in this world, and the vision didn’t change that reality.” I move my hands to my belly, taking strength from the tiny life within. “I hung on because they showed me I could be happy one day. I saw you and Rafe and the babies we could yet conceive. It didn’t matter whether I was being tested… I just needed to know there was hope things could be different in the future… I wish that every person who feels trapped and without a way out could receive such a gift.”
“Ella, you do realize that you’ve given us all that gift today?” Sinclair asks gently, moving his hand to cover mine. I blink in confusion, and he smiles tenderly down at me. “Everyone in this war is struggling to find a light in the darkness, and it’s getting harder every day. But that vision wasn’t just about you and me… it was about the future of the united packs – of our world.” He smiles, gazing at me with so much love my heart feels like it might burst. “Baby, that vision means we can win.”
