Sinclair
I decide to work from home for the rest of the day. I’m so amazed by everything that’s happening, and overwhelmed by how much our lives have changed in the last 48 hours. Two days ago I was grieving the relationship I believed was impossible, wishing against all logic that Ella could be a wolf.
Now all our dreams have come true, yet I feel reluctant to trust these changes. It’s all too wonderful, even if mysterious forces have clearly been at work – pulling the strings of our lives from far away.
I hate the idea that someone has been watching and manipulating us from afar – even if it is the Goddess. Still, the Goddess isn’t what frightens me most. The thing that frightens me most is knowing that someone out there knows the truth about Ella, they know secrets she and I have yet to uncover, and might use them against us.
True, it seems that bringing us together was for our benefit, but the picture is never clear until it’s complete. Shifters in this city know exactly how vulnerable Ella is Iight now, and we can’t wake her wolf for another three and a half months, at least. Around seven I realize that I’m not going to get any more work done this evening.
Instead I head upstairs to my bedroom, expecting to find my sweet mate resting before dinner. Instead, I walk in to find Ella out of bed and pacing, overflowing with anxious energy. The second thing I notice is that every pillow, blanket and cushion in the linen closet has been piled onto the bed, and the canopy curtains drawn closed.
Ella stops in her tracks when she sees me, wringing her hands. “Baby, what is it?” I ask, crossing over to her. “You’re supposed to be in bed.”
She shakes her head. “It’s not right. I’ve been trying to fix it but I can’t.. it’s not right.”
I pull her into my arms, purring softly as she tucks her head against my chest and breathes in my scent. “What’s not right. How can I help?”
“The bed.” She huffs, gesturing to it sullenly. “It’s not cozy enough. Your pillows are terrible, and none of the blankets are soft enough.”
For a moment I think she’s lost her beautiful little mind, but slowly it clicks into place. How many times have I heard about other fathers coping with a mate in this exact state? These instincts are as powerful as all the cravings and mood swings, and they’re also further proof of Ella’s true identity. I chuckle happily, and Ella stiffens. “Are you laughing at me? This has been a really stressful day you know, I don’t need to be laughed at.”
“No trouble, not at you.” I promise. “It’s just that you’re nesting.” “Nesting, like cleaning everything and setting up a nursery?” She clarifies, her adorably brow furrowing in confusion, “but that shouldn’t come until later, and we’ve already picked out most of the baby stuff.”
“No, it’s a little more literal with wolves, Ella. These are just more of your maternal instincts coming out.” I explain. “It’s probably made worse by the bed rest, you’re stuck in this room with nowhere to go, it’s only natural that you want to make yourself as cozy a spot to welcome the pup as possible.”
“Except that I can’t because your dumb bed is giant and everything is wrong.” She complains, unbuttoning my shirt so she can nuzzle her face against my bare skin. I hum in sympathy, scooping her up. “Well then let me help.” I suggest, my own alpha instincts urging me to settle her. I deposit her on the bed, then move to the intercom by the bedroom door, sending my guards for every pillow and blanket in the house.
They gradually cart them up over the next half hour, and I dutifully let my sweet little mate direct me as she creates her nest. I hand her pillows and blankets, then accept them back if they don’t fit the indescribable qualifications she’s seeking. I have no idea what’s going on in her mind, but I know enough to realize this isn’t a matter of logic.
Her inner wolf is pushing her to satisfy a powerful craving that she probably doesn’t understand any more than I do when my wolf urges me to scent mark her. It’s all feelings and one word commands, primal and powerful – not to be ignored.
When the bed is finally right she climbs in, preening with maternal pride and offering me a satisfied smile that makes me want to kiss her so badly it hurts. “Am I allowed in there with you?” I ask, beaming down at her. Ella frowns for a moment, obviously contemplating this, She narrows her eyes, “As long as you don’t mess it up.”
Laughing, I kick off my shoes and move onto the bed, careful not to dislodge any of her carefully placed pillows. Right as I settle beside her, I accidentally knock one of the overstuffed poufs out of position, and a kittenish growl rises in her chest. That’s when I snatch her up, replacing the offended cushion as I pull her small body onto mine.
For a while I simply kiss Ella, elated that I’m finally able to be with her so freely. Every other time we’ve gotten carried away with affection, it’s filled me with guilt and distraction about our tenuous future. But now it simply feels right.
“I keep daydreaming about what it will be like when your wolf finally emerges completely.” I share a little while later. “It was distracting me all day long.” I admit, stroking her spine as she nibbles my ear. “You’ve shown such ferocity already, and you have so much love to give – you’ll truly be the perfect queen.” I exalt, loving the shy blush that colors her cheeks. “We’ll usher in a new era for the united packs, while we raise a whole litter. I’ll give you so many babies that she won’t know what to do with them.”
Ella offers me a sultry giggle, squirming against me in a way that tells me she’s getting excited just talking about this. Still, she sighs, a familiar look of hesitance on her lovely features. “Don’t, we don’t know what the future holds yet. And I’ll be happy even if it’s just the three of us.”
“But you’d like more if you can get them?”I guess, understanding her reluctance to get her hopes up.
I know only too well how hard it is to let yourself dream after so much disappointment. “I’ve never shared a bloodline or DNA with anyone ..I’ve never had that bond. Rafe is the first person in my life who Il experience that with.” Ella confides, “it’s part of why I wanted a child of my own. To be biologically connected at least once.
And I love being pregnant… but I don’t need all my babies to have my genes.”
“What if I want my babies to all have your genes.” I tease, sliding my hand down over her luscious behind. “They’re damned good genes.”
Ella laughs but holds firm. “If we can’t have more pups on our own, I know how many orphans out there need a good home.” There’s something haunted in her last words, and I find myself squeezing her more tightly. Still, despite her pain, an incandescent smile takes over her features, and she buries her head in my neck, laughing. “I can’t even believe this is real.” She exclaims. “I never imagined that we’d get to have a life together.. I wanted to be a wolf so badly, and I never thought I would be.”
Ella can’t see my face, so I don’t hide my grimace. “
I’m happier than I’ve ever been with you, you know that?”
She peeks up at me, a spark of mischief in her eye. “You’re sounding awfully emotional there, Alpha. You’re not going to start crying, are you?”
When I only frown, the spark in her eye flickers out, and I hate myself for dampening her high spirits. “I think we’ve been putting off talking about your past long enough, Ella. It’s more important than ever now.” “But I don’t know anything.” She insists, looking confused again. “I was a baby when this all started.”
“I know sweetheart.” I confirm, “but if we’re right about this.. then it’s likely the people behind this have been watching you for your whole life. The answer to all of this could be somewhere in your own history.” I explain. “And besides, I need to know because… because you’re my mate. I can’t take care of you if I don’t know what you’ve been through. You did promise to open up to me eventually.”
Her face falls, and I realize the naughty creature probably hadn’t intended on actually following through on that particular promise. Ella looks up at me from beneath her lashes, as if she’s testing my resolve. When I only stare gravely back, she sighs. “I don’t even remember everything.” She confesses softly. “I’ve blocked so much of it out.”
“Then we can work with a therapist, or a hypnotist, but maybe you can tell me what you do remember?” Looking as though she’s headed to the gallows, Ella nods. “Okay”
